hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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