I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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