There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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