Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she pinky promised me she was 18
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
