My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
