I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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