the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
