My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
