You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
