I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize