if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
