you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
