my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize