tell your sister to shave her snatch
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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