I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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