Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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