Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She's the barista slut.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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