So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
