Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
