Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
should my penis look like a turkey
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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