nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
