I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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