Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
