I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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