arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
