we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
