i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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