he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
