i think my tv is drunk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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