Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
