Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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