wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize