I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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