I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He shit in the fireplace
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