I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
