I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
