I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How's work?
Spinning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
