If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
