Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
