Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
