Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
