Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize