No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
