I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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