the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
