Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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