Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
