I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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