i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
