am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize