Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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