Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
