'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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