I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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