I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
organizing the empties. That sober.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
