I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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