She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
