Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
