There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
