farters have to be the big spoon...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize