i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize