So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
