I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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