you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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