I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
