I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
