forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
