And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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