I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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