my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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