Are we in a gay sports bar?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
