Why does Corona taste like a burp?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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