so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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