I hope mine doesn't look like that
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
