she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
